John Wesley

From a sermon on assurance:

Wesley was the leader of the revival that led to the Methodists. Wesley was born to two godly parents, one was even an Anglican priest. He grew up under the instruction of the church and under the testimony of God’s presence in the world.

He even decided to be a priest himself and went through all his studies and graduated from Oxford. Convinced by guilt, he even went on a mission trip to the wild frontier of America to this new place called Georgia, a slave colony that was surrounded by Native Americans. He thought he could surely convince them of the truth of Jesus Christ that he had heard time and time again in his studies and from his parents.

On the ship on the way over to America, he disciplined himself in order to be productive and acceptable to God. Here is what a typical day looked like as he was going over to America

4:00-5:00 am private prayer

5:00-7:00 am Bible study

7:00-8:00 breakfast

8:00-9:00 public prayer

9:00-12:00 German lesson

12:00-1:00 Met together to give an account of the morning

1:00-2:00 lunch

2:00-4:00 Reading

4:00-5:00 Evening prayer

5:00-6:00 dinner

6:00-7:00 Reading

7:00-8:00 Worship

8:00-9:00 Bible Study

9:00 sleep

During the journey he met a group of travelers from Germany that utterly amazed him. This difference was shown in their moment of crisis. As they were sailing across the Atlantic they were hit by a series of storms that Wesley calls hurricanes. Now, I went on a cruise a few years ago and our ship was huge. And the ship even had stabilizers the counter the weight and shifts of weight and waves, and I still felt ill from the constant rocking of ship, and we had nothing but calm weather. So, I then think what it would have been like to be in a small wooden ship with the creaking of the ship and the constant rolling of the waves, and the water breaking over on to the deck and I can’t imagine how miserable that would have been. How frightening that would have been.

Wesley described it like this, “during their service [that is, the Germans worship service] the sea

broke over, split the main-sail pieces, covered the ship, and poured in between the decks, as if the great deep had already swallowed us up. A terrible screaming began among the English. The Germans sung on. I asked one of them afterwards, “Were you not afraid?” He answered, “ I thank God, no.” I asked, “But were not your women and children afraid?” He replied, mildly, “No; our women and children are not afraid to die.”

So, John Wesley, the man who would one day lead a great revival found himself utterly afraid of his own death. He had lived his whole life in pursuit of salvation and when it came down to it, he learned that all of his pursuits had been in vain. Wesley couldn’t understand how these Germans could have such confidence in their salvation.

After a few days, the storm finally passed after damaging the ship in several places. Life got back to normal on the ship, but Wesley couldn’t shake the experience of the storm. So, he sought out the pastor of the Germans and had to ask him about this experience. Wesley wrote about it in his journal. He wrote,

I soon found what spirit he was of; and asked his advice with regard to my own conduct. He said, “my brother, I must first ask you one or two questions. Have you the witness within yourself? Does the Spirit of God bear witness with your spirit, that you are a child of God?” I was surprised, and knew not what to answer. He observed it, and asked, “Do you know Jesus Christ?” I paused, and said, “I know he is the Savior of the world.” “True,” replied he; “but do you know he has saved you?” I answered, “I hope he has died to save me.” He only added, “Do you know yourself?” I said, “I do.” But I fear they were vain words.

This experience with these German Christians continued to haunt him. Had he worked his whole life in vain? All of this discipline, all the hard work, had it led to anything because in the end he couldn’t answer with confidence the question of did he know Jesus Christ.

The ship finally came to port in Georgia, and John went ahead with his planned mission trip. His confidence was shaken though and he wondered how he could preach to others when he himself didn’t even know if he was saved. Little surprise then that his mission trip was a complete failure in his eyes.

He returned to England feeling like a failure and struggling with these questions of faith. He began to seek answers to his questions. He took three strategic steps to find answers. First he sought out those with the confidence he was looking for. Second, he decided to begin to pray for this confidence. Third, he renounced looking for holiness in what he did with his actions.

And a few months later he had this experience that he wrote about,

In the evening I went very unwillingly to a society in Aldersgate Street, where one was reading Luther’s preface to the Epistle to the Romans. About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust Christ, Christ alone for salvation: And an assurance was given me, that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.”