Prayer and Sex

from Prayer by Yancy p159

"I think prayer is analogous to sex. Most people would complain about their sex lives; a few do really well. Sex and prayer are intimate and over-glamorized relationships. We all are led to believe that we should be in the stratosphere in sex and in prayer. It sets up a false expectation. And breaks down intimacy.

Why Pray?

From Prayer by Yancy p56

Years ago, when I was beginning a writing career at Campus Life magazine, I used to discuss these problems with colleague Tim Stafford. He later wrote about them in his book. Knowing the Face of God, and I will simply quote him:

"Silently gazing into a friend's eyes may seem purer, and certainly more romantic, than mere talk. But conversation, not silence, builds relationships. Though I will never minimize the effect of beautiful eyes, I expect to talk to the people I care about- and to hear them talk back. We do not build relationships on a sentence or two spoken every few conversation between real friends is a constant stream.
So, I have a problem with God. I have never had a conversation with God; I have never heard his audible voice. Though I sometimes feel powerful religious emotions, I am cautious in interpreting my impulses and feelings as messages from God. I do not want to take the Lord's name in vain. i do not want to say, "The Lord told me," when in reality I heard a mental recording of my mother's voice. I have spent any number of hours talking to God, and he has not yet answered back in a voice that was undeniably his. "

Tim adds that he continues to pray, making requests of God and offering praise and worship, but questions persist. Why praise God who, unlike friends, does not need a lift? Why inform God of needs that God already knows about? Why thank God, who hardly needs a pat on the back?

"Some people say that we should pray not because God needs it, but because we need it. When we praise him, we remind ourselves of what is fundamentally important. When we thank him, we humbly remember our utter dependence on his care. When we pray for people, we are encouraged to then go out and do something to help them. From this perspective prayer is a self-help exercise.
No doubt prayer does these and other good things for me, but if they are the principle reasons for praying, my "personal relationship" is in trouble. Prayer that is only a useful exercise is not conversation. It is more like writing a diary, which is also good for you, but it is entirely private and one sided."

Married Prayer

Walter Wangerin Jr. tells of a time early in his marriage when he had committed some wrong against his wife, Thanne. Even though he was studying in seminary in hopes of becoming a pastor, he had always avoided praying aloud with her. It seemed too intimate, too personal an act. This time, with a riptide of guilt sweeping away his shyness, he agreed. They lay for a while side by side in bed, each waiting for the other to start. Walt began with a hymn like, formal prayer in the style he had learned in seminary. After a silence, he heard Thanne's simple, clear voice speaking humbly and conversationally to God about him, her husband. Listening to her, he began to weep. The guilt dissolved and he learned that humbling was no end in itself, but a necessary step to the healing.

Praying with Bill Mason

Every week the Asbury staff gets together to share some things going on in the church and pray for the prayer requests that had been submitted the week before. I was sitting by myself towards the front, in my usual place, and I noticed that Bill Mason was also sitting in the front, in his normal place. Our normal friends we sat with were not with us. So, I approached Bill to pray with him.

Now I have heard before that Bill Mason is a man of prayer who rises early to pray every day. He is the one who grew Asbury from a few families to thousands of members. As we got together the leader that morning, a youth staff person, had shared about a ministry in the youth department that was about healing the hurts of life such as divorce, death, abuse, etc. She challenged us to share with our prayer partners a struggle we were going through as well.

I put that out of my mind because I couldn't really think of any struggles I am facing right now. They all seem rather petty. I feel good about my marriage. I feel balanced in my work, recreation, and exercise. I'm spending more time with God. I've decided to stay on as a pastor at the church. Everything is going well right now.

So, I prayed. I prayed for a woman who was going through an abusive situation. I prayed with gusto. I tried to evoke the emotion and the stirring of my faith. Sometimes I feel that if I pray with the right amount of emotion then I "feel" the faith I need. This brings to mind sitting in a Christ's Church small group at Jay and Jodie's house in Joplin. We were talking about faith and Jay shared that we don't have to conjure up faith in order to pray. For some reason this really resonated with me. I've heard a lot of emotional prayers in my day, and it seems that the emotional prayers are really the effective ones. So, sometimes I am sorry to admit I take the lead by conjuring up the faith needed for God to move.

So, I took this approach yet again trying to show Bill Mason my own level of faith.

Then it was Bill's turn. He simply read the prayer request out loud by saying "Lord, so and so asks for ... won't you help them?" Then he said, "the speaker this morning challenged us to share our issues during this time..." I didn't share mine because I was with Bill Mason. I didn't really know what to say and I didn't want to say anything that was superficial. He went on, "Its hard to think of a hard one, but I do ask that you help me and my wife with our weight. Amen."

The simplicity of this man's prayer floored me. I think of Jesus' words about not going on and on for men to hear.

Lord, have mercy on me for my hypocrisy.